When I Shut My Eyes.

2011

2011-05-02T22:36:00.000-07:00

This is officially the latest entry for the year of 2011.
New school,new people,new life to adjust to....
Its a bit hard and things are moving at such a fast pace :(
People are racing at a super fast speed like race cars...

I hope I can actually keep up and do well in my studies...

When it all falls apart. Just get back up when they knock you down.

2009-04-28T03:31:00.000-07:00

This entry is personally dedicated to Lis Nadine Saiful

Dearest friend,
I know that you're going through alot not only in personal stuffs but also your life in general or overall. Biler aku bacer aku mcm sedih sak... :( Because it also made me realize how I didnt know how bad you were feeling. All I can say is that everything will be fine okay? I know that you're strong. And you've always been there for me when my world came crumbling down or when I'm at my lowest. Just know that I'm here for you pulak... Want to know a secret? I've felt the exact same thing before. There were times where I felt lost and that I feel left behind. Cos Hans is in poly then you're taking ur private dip and I'm still wasting my life in Ite.

It made me feel low sometimes. And aku raser mcm aku yg tak kemaner2 when two of my bestest friend in the world is moving on further,faster,living the normal at-our-age pace. And I even feel that krg has your life sorted out while aku maseh kat situ je... So take in comfort from what I've said yea... I've been in ur shoes too. I know u'd say aper sak Naq kau mrepek but that was seriously what I've felt... It was sad,seriously.

Till now I still believe that even thou we've pursue diff things in diff ways,I truly believe that we will all reach our dreams and find true happiness that all of us deserve. I know that we may have small or huge setbacks but at least I'm lucky cos I still have 2 of the bestest friend I could ever have in my life still with me when life's starting to suck. Really.

K now I'm starting to bore you guys right? Hahaha.. Well,what I'm trying to prove is that Lis Nadine my fren,just hold on and cheer up ok? And I know my smart neighbour will be able to complete her modules. Try harder ok? Don't give up hope! And there's a saying:Its good to be scared,it means you still have something to lose or what..Hhaha.. It means not all is lost for you. hehe.. Anyway,cheer up ok buddy? Movie date tmr yea.. And Hans,busy nmpk? busy nmpk..hehe. Hope you are doing well too... Well till here then. Hungry ar,gonna cook and eat. Till then,stay happy ok people? :) Remember,life is like a wheel. When u're down,someday soon you will be on top again. ok? :)

P.S I feel that by being there for your friend kan,it helps one to forget their own problems and instead of being selfish,we actually get to make another person's life better. And they will in return help you.Hmm.. True ryte? Its something to ponder on...

P.p.s To D.Knoxville & N.Ali..... Haiyo.... How ar??? Hhahaha... :)

Super p.p.s Lis,lagu last warning ehh.. Sedih nah.. takmo emo ehh!!

Baby we weren't meant to be,we just happen.

I guess Taylor once felt what I'm feeling right now.

2009-04-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

Lyrics | Taylor Swift Lyrics | You%27re Not Sorry Lyrics

Taylor Swift-You're not sorry

This song holds alot of meaning for me. Sometimes,I honestly feel like I've lost my way

and everywhere I turn,the door shuts right up in my face. At times I feel like I can be someone better,

not someone else,but a better me. But sometimes life gets me down.It's like a roller-coaster ride.

It's almost like I forgot how to breathe. . .

To you;

I know that every single day,I'm trying my very best to heal and put you&the memories

that are no good to me,in the past and move on in the future.

There are days where I'm reminded of what used to be but I try to just brush it off.

I don't understand alot of things and what I truly dont get is you still somehow manage to

cause a stir in my mind sometimes.

I don't know what's on ur mind and neither do I want to.

I just want out.Forever.Period.

I don't want to get a single text msg from you either.

Even though I must admit,I do miss you sometimes...

Nobody said it was easy,but no one said it could be this hard.

The things you ask from me are beyond do-able

and I really don't wanna hurt anymore.

I guess I really did love you that much,probably

that's one of the reason why it hurts so much.

But,

Lis is right. You're not the same person you were before.

And indeed,you're not the person I once fell for.

Dear Allah,just make me stronger. . .

To them;

We may have spent too much time blaming

each other for the wrongs done in our lives till

we forget to stop and see what we've done

and where all of this hurt & pain has led us.

Sometimes you hardly talk to me when you should

and you turn a deaf ear when I'm trying to speak out.

I try so hard to be what you want me to be but it's taking

all of me. . .

You kept pushing&pushing and you never seem

to understand.

I'm really trying my best and I wished you could see,

I'm just tired of having to spread myself thin just so you'd

get your piece of happiness.

I really don't know what's become of us.

I really wish you could see. . .

Almost Perfect

2009-04-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

Hey people. . .

A very quick update-We lost to Pasirian(TWP) 2-4 today :(

Well what's past is past but at least what I like about today is that we managed

to have a group discussion after the match,after the de-briefing with the Coaches.

All I can say is that we have to look forward and try harder next time. :)

Training is the opposite of Hoping

I don't really feel like talking much about today,as in about FB,maybe another time.Whatever it is,I just wanna say you guys did a great job. I really believe that each and everyone of my team-mates are capable of doing the best they can. I know you guys can. :) See you guys next Sun for trng then...

p.s Nad,Baiz, biler nak train samer2??? Hahahaha

And btw2,hehe,I saw 2 cute keepers :) Heheh... I think ar.. Kalau tak salah..haha

$10 for my thoughts :)

2009-04-23T02:54:00.000-07:00

Hello Mates:)
Obviously I've not been updating like for a long time now and finally I have the chance to sit down quietly and pen down all my thoughts and recent events of my life. :) I'm just thankful for still being able to further my studies and though it may seem like a long,long journey,I'm sure that someday I'll reach my goal/dream:) My life from the last entry till now has been pretty filled with lotsa stuffs and only the closest to me knows how my life has been.

Nonetheless,life's pretty sweet too:) I mean I made friends in my new school/class and I met 2 old friends-Ashraf & Nas. It was nice to see them again really... I made a promise that I want to aim for Gold for my Napfa test! And well,its a big surprise that I actually joined the fitness club that is easily traslated as Gym Club. You know a place where you work out and stuffs? Yea... Currently there's only like an entire of 4 girls only and haha the shy me still finds it hard not to be shy to start working out there.

Well,I'm planning to just take things one step at a time and what I aim to make out of this is to prepare myself physically and mentally for my upcoming games and to make as many new friends as I possibly can! :) And definitely not compromising my studies... :)

I apologize to those who are affected by my lack of updates and for not linking them (Sorry Baiz!) haha... Busy laa.. Too many things to do.. And I must admit I get really tired after school nowadays..Dunno why seh.. Hmm.

And haha!! Tmr's gonna be my dept's tele-match! It may sound lame but Im kinda hype for it! Well its cos I know I wont have trouble talking to my classmates and that we can actually bond and have fun at the same time. Plus tmr I'm gonna play soccer with the guys and sweat it out in the gym. And trng at Kallang later that night. Seems tiring? Not really... Well,I bet Lis knows why :) Thats about now then...

Take care people and no matter what happens.dont give up yea? :)

And to all Pinkies,let's train hard yea!!!
SFL No.1 :);)

You couldnt find a blinder fool.

2009-03-29T03:57:00.000-07:00

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory cause I put too much energy in him and me,
can't wait till I get through this phase cause it's killin' me
too bad we can't rewrite our own history.

Now I can feel you changing me
and I can't afford to slip much further
from the person I was meant to be.

I'm not afraid to walk alone
not giving up but moving on
before it gets too deep
cause your taking all of my energy.

What good is love when it keeps on hurting me?...

I guess somehow I do have to write about it to really get it out of my system.
Love's good when it doesn't hurt right?
And I really don't know if I'm truly 100% recovered from it.
I do think about you once in awhile though,thoughts of you in my head.
I guess it's normal.

"Nobody has it easy..."

Had a chat with a guy friend of mine just now. Well there was alot that we talked about,alot that I learnt from him. His opinions and advises...And he made this stupid joke"time will heal everything,it's a free medicine...!"... Then he laughed -.-' Hahaha.. Another was he said take it as a bad holiday,then change to another airline lor... Hahaha.. Its so funny when I think about it again...:)

I really have to thank the guys for being there and yea,listening to all my problems.And not forgetting my family and cousins,and also my bestest friends too :)
Thank you.

"I can't keep going through life
Unaware of what I missed
And the person I could be
Love's good only when its right..."

Somehow when such things happens,part of you really wants to know if the other party feels the same pain or not.Like are they feeling the sourness of it...Do you get what I'm trying to say? Like you want to know if they get hurt too or not in the process.But I'm done crying. Sometimes to be honest,I do feel sad. Like there's a sharp knot in my stomach/heart.But at times,I'm okay. With the help of everyone around,I'm proud to say that Im handling it better than I thought I would. Really...

I once said
"I'll never let go of your hand unless you let go of mine..."
And you did.
So therefore I must go now.

You must think that you've shattered my life and that I'm crying over you...That I'm still holding on,never wanting to move on.
Like you said,I do deserve someone better.
I guess I'm really letting you go now...

You're lucky I know how to act.
Breathe Slow-

Cookies&Cream Ice-cream Please...*

2009-03-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

Ola me friends...
Been visisting the libraries VERY OFTEN these few weeks,what else but to do revisions....
Ystd it rained heavily and all of us were soaked to the skin. Well okay not that bad but our shoes and uniforms were damn wet. :( It made it so uncomfortable to do ur exams while in such conditions man. But thankfully the paper wasnt that bad :) Yeaps... Weeks of mugging does pays off and if you did study,it shouldnt be a problem. Now im just left with one last paper. Technically we only have like 2 papers but they are not easy topics I tell you. But i dont regret taking my second year choice- Wireless Technology. :)

Honestly,I think this is by far the hardest that I've studied in my life.Hhahaha,well i think. :P The most effort that I've put in... Some sort like that laa.... hahaha... I'm quite worried abt my last paper now :( WLAN Maintenence & Security. Golly Ghmolly!!!

After im done with exams and all.its training time!! And my team has a new keeper too :) I've heard of her before... Yea... The next Div1 season is first week of Apr. Aiyayai... ;) So fast sia!! And on wed after the exams,im deciding not to go for training. I just want to chill and relax my mind... :) Yea,I deserve it but now is crunch time!! hahaha....

And after the exams there is sooo many nicenice things coming up! Movie sessions with my neighbour,chalets with family and classmates and......hmm..... yar..hahaha...

Well,thats the updates I have for now,and golly I really like literally have no time for internet and tvs. But my siblings and I have this new fun thing to do which is watch tv programmes together and laugh. k i know you might not get the whole fun-ness of it. Anyways.... The latest season of 'The Biggest Loser' is out. Its really fun and interesting to watch. Damn the trainers are non-mercy!! I mean 500 push-ups,lunges and all.... I think for a normal person to do pon penat seh..But they did it and im like...Wow.... hahah...Like seriosuly amazed sia... And another episode 2 of the girls could do cartwheels!! We were like.." Damn!........" hahaha...I really salute them for staying alive there...

Ok my entry is abit long.Gotta go now,revision time. Take care now people. May God bless you beautiful souls :)

Training is the opposite of hoping :)

Heads up in the cloud? I doubt it.Far from it actually :(

2009-03-02T22:13:00.000-08:00

I am extremely stressed out.Period.

Exams is like ugh,next week and I have less than a week to inject every single information of education in my brain and god the final project is seriously taking a toll on me. Misunderstandings are a bitch and I think that I'm spreading myself really thin. :( I really hope our final presentation will be fine and we can get at least a decent B or something and for the remaining days before my final exams,may I be able to get through it... Dear Allah,help m through this tough times. Thank you. I suppose thats the only thing I can manage to update.Till next time yea...

P.S I miss you... :(

When life feels like it's turning into dust.And the next day you wake up,you know that everything's gonna be alright :)

2009-02-17T21:47:00.000-08:00

I apologize for the lack of entries. Haha,I know how I hate it when my friend Lizzie McDonalds didnt update her blog.Hahaha.. How ironic. Well to be honest there are only a few blogsites that I often visit cos mainly theirs are interesting or ...hmm..Haha.. Paham2 je la kan. :)

I know this is random shit but somehow,somehow ar and this may change any time :),I feel that people shouldn't stress about stuffs and live each day as it comes.Agree? I mean this definitely and I mean most definitely,apply to me. Because sometimes you worry for nothing and at times the things that you worry about the most doesn't happen or its just you.Wait,am I making any sense to you right now? Hahaa.Pardon me for being so random all of a sudden.Actually I'm always random la kan. :)

I know that you should worry and plan for your future but doesn't it make more sense that the first and most important thing to do now is to concentrate on the now thing.The present,and not much of the later/future.Cos if the present doesnt happen,there won't be a tmr right? If this is starting to bore you then I suggest you click the 'x'. Hahahaa...

Like they say,it's easier said than done,I know.But I'm just saying.In case in the near future or soon or tmr that u're facing this stressful,problematic phase of your life,think of this.And somehow I do hope it will ease you a lil' bit. :) It does to me abit. :) In many than just one way that is. But what's life if it isn't about you getting off-track sometimes right? It's part and parcel of life. So Hans I don't know if you've read until here. You said that you always fall asleep while half-reading mine. :P

Well,that's it for this entry. :) May God bless all you beautiful souls out there and have a good life people! :)

A note to God.

2009-02-09T18:39:00.000-08:00

Finally,I have something real to write down and I finally feel like this entry is worth the time.I had 2 drafts written down,half-down but I think thats all just crap.Today,I'm filled with extreme self-thoughts that is non-the-less accompanied by sadness and fear.Firstly,dont worry,its not relationship problems.It more of the realReal world.Life,family.I just came across,well not exactly came across but just had those conversations with my mum regarding a few stuffs...

It's about her life and how hard she has to cope with everything and to be honest my family life isn't that picture perfect at all.It never has been.I am very well aware that everybody's family isn't that perfect either.I used to think that if my parents were to divorve I would never know what to do and be totally dead in the brain if that were to happen.Like my whole life will be crushed to the ground.I think it would have been extremely harder if it were to happen when I'm in my teens,like in secondary school because I know that it will definitely be so,so,so much harder to cope as life as a teenager coping with everything is not an easy job.Trying to find out who you are and all.

Honestly,for those who has been in that position and your parents divorced right,can you share with me your experience and what you felt when it really happened and how you deal with it all? I think the worst case if ur parents re-married.I don't know if it helps but I'm just afraid and being mentally-prepared for everything is better than anything right? I'm not saying its gonna happen but I'm just afraid.To be really,really honest,my heart feels like it's gonna be broken. :(

I hate this feeling.Does faking ignorance helps? And is ignorance really bliss? I really don't know and I don't really know if I want to know the answer.I'm aware that this entry is suprisingly longer and different than the usual relationship/normal rantings etc. I'm gonna be twenty this year.Life's no joke anymore.All the decisions you make will be accountable for by non other than yourself.I wish we don't have to grow up.Now we know why huh...Dear Allah,guide me the way...

The very First Song.

2009-01-18T04:49:00.000-08:00

Find me here
And speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me to the place
Where I find peace again

You are the strength
That keeps me walking
You are the hope
That keeps me trusting
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything...

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

You calm the storms
And you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You steal my heart
And you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're Everything, everything...
You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything, everything
You're all I want
You're all I need
Everything, everything

And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
Any better than this...
[Lifehouse:Everything]

This was the very first song you gave me.
And the first time you let me listen to it
was on the phone but it sounded like a blur only...
Hahah...But when I finally listened to it while checking the
lyrics online,I teared.

Like serious shit sia. Hahaha..
I suppose that it was a case of a girl whose heart got melted
in the process. :) So merepek right....
It's okay...That's what Love does to you...

And so did the other songs that you dedicated to me love...
I love you my Everything.
And what's funny is that after all this while,
I still miss you all the same.
Like it was just ystd that I met you.

I know,I still find it ludacris at times.
But that's just the way things are...

I guess thats it for today's entry,
take care y'all :)
And for those who's in love with someone,
love like you've never been hurt before.
:)

You still give me the butterflies every once in awhile.

2009-01-10T18:58:00.000-08:00

Ola friends... :)
Been sick since Fri,down with fever and bad heaches... Gawd.
Well,actually the symptoms started to show on wed.Sudden body heat etc...
And I was really looking forward to going out and watching the match
today...Oh shucks :(

There's still tmr right? Tmr will be better laa,so must be better cpt2
so tmr can go out.I hate it when I'm sick.I mean of course no one
likes to be sick laa cos the sick would know
nothing is worst than feeling sick,weak,sniffling with the
sore throats that hurts like hell and etc etc etc...
Right??.....

What hurts the most
(hehe like Rascal Flatts song ehh)
what I meant was the worst part of it all is not being able to
go out with that special someone bcos u're sick. :( I mean
what a bummer ain't it? Heck
I know that even when u sick u'll still try ur best to
mentally deny the fact that u're still sick and force ur brain to believe
that when obviously you know thats not the case.

Hahah,for love's sake ayy..Hahaha..
Hmm but I really wanna get better asap seh..
So that the next time I mit you I'll be able to
enjoy properly without the constant heavy-headed
feeling. Actually just being with you makes everything better.

So for those who are sick,GET WELL SOON!! Don't drink cold drinks
when u're not suppose to.Don't eat oily stuffs and rest well.Yeap... Tahan je!!!
It's all for a good cause k? :) You'll feel much much better and
you get to go out with that special someone and be happy :)

And for those who's loved ones are sick,take care of them!!!
Show them lotsa love and care.Even tho' u may feel like such a fool or
too motherly,heck that!
Like seriously,you tell me ah,which sick person doesnt like to be manjired and
have attention on them? Betol tak?? They'll really appreciate it laa,trust me.
:)

It gives them that warm feeling knowing that when they're down and sick
there's someone who genuinely cares.Like they say,action speaks louder than
word people.Yup.
Besides meds,that is what they need to get well. :)
Okay,pardon me if I'm too long-winded.
It must be the cough syrup and paracetamol.
Kk,thats it for now.
Y'all take care now.
Peace out :)

......

2009-01-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile huh...
Well,my days have been pretty boring lately but some are okay I suppose.
Lack of things to do. Yup.
My latest Taiwan-craze show has ended and therefore so will my crying-over-scenes drama sessions... hahaha
This blog entry might be boring so bear with me yea..
Just need to get shits outta my systems.
Plus Im fucking bored right now.
ugh!

I really wished I have a job right now.
It will keep my time filled and the cash coming in. :)
Yeap. Now both lines are cut so you'd have to be lucky to contact me.
Hahah...Maybe its for the good.
Like how it used to,that period of time ago.
Life was at a better more calm pace.
And this will automatically forces me to focus on my studies.

Like fo'real.I know I'm suppose to be doing practical now but I really am f***ing bored!!!
The time flies extremely slow today.Its not even past lunchtime.Which apparently has to
be at 1pm today.Double ugh!!
Currently I have no directions in everyday life.
I'm not wasted or anything,just really plain bored outta my mind.

Hmm,I think I shall just end here.
I can really die now..

They tell me that I'm outta my mind.

2008-12-21T19:39:00.000-08:00

Bonjour Friends...
It's been a while since I've blogged.
Well I was thinking today I might wanna stay in.
Still drained after yesterday's friendly,
with S.I.M and honestly,I find it merepek seh,the whole deal.
Haha cuz probably one I suck big time,VERY RUSTY already Naqq....*
Yea and two,it wasnt made up of my real team mates.
But I think the sad part was that I was being th worst I could ever be and
it was a damn long 6-period game.Pfft man.
Yeap. It's just a frenly anyway but yeah,a good slap for me to buck up already.

Kay enuf abt that yea..People probably don't really wanna hear abt FB from me.
Hhaha...:P
Well,after the match I thot we could finally go out and just chill.
It's been like 3dAYs of disappoint for me and yea...
The start was assy and I know that I was being the way I was
cuz I'm always merepek and stubborn when I'm tired.
Sorry*

So before I went home,we sat on the bike and talked.

P.S I've always njoyed sitting on the bike and chill.
It's very relaxing and calming.Hahah...whatever that means laa ah..

I shan't disclose the contents of our conversation,not entirely that is.
Well,aftr much thinking and talking and aftr reading the tags from my cUZ and lis,
I came to a conclusion.Period.

This is what Naquiah thinks:
1)Yes,its true I suppose that maybe I don't have that much friends.
Wait actually I do have many.Like seriously.But I didnt really maintain a more intimate closer friendship with them.Intimate? haha..that is seriously wrong.
Haha,what I meant is that I didnt chill out with them enough.Maybe not at all.
Dangs*
Resolution:As tired as I may be,must GO AND MAKE TIME FOR ALL FRIENDS !!!

2) Don't object to outings to town.Its not that bad actually laa. Its just the start je yg punyer laa susah nak jalan.

3)Do take note that I'm not the only importance in his life.
Like seriously.Stop making presumptions thats gonna cost me.
Opt for a more mature relationship.Be it.
And the last thing I should be is-selfish.
Yeap...

4)Life with the bf is not all there is. Chill.
(though easier said than done)
They're right...

5)Don't lose yourself to self-thoughts.
It's gonna make you go crazy and it's soo unhealthy.
I've had enough of me being like this.
Any further and I'm gonna lose sight of myself,at the rate that I'm going.

6)Divert the energy and attention to something else,another direction.
Studies!!! School's gonna start kinda soon huh..Man...So fast.
So yeap,must maintain GPA or better!! Final project hello??

7)Though my world feels like its crashing down,just know that
everything will be alright.The rain has to stop pouring one day right?

And the list goes on...*

Correct me if I'm wrong...

I know that just because I wrote all these will not necessarily make everything better in an instant.
I'm still human.There's bound to be slips here and there.
But I'll try yea? It's for my own good,I know.
The first step is always the most difficult one.
And thank you to all who's consistenly there for me.

I want chocolates. Brownies~Cheesecakes.

2008-12-15T02:30:00.000-08:00

Jealousy's such a bitch.
There,I've said it.
I know,I know2
Someone just kill me already.
Yes Lis,I've failed once again and I've fallen into
evil hands.

Sometimes I really don't understand myself.
Like come on man.
I thought I could go run today but the area I 'm about to run is kinda
very2 dark so screw that.
That's a killa.Pfft!

I'm bored like hell and I just
want to get out and have fun.
Just do something and move my body.
Be active yada yada yada.

But the one best(perhaps) the real reason,
could be me wanting to be free of my thoughts.
Gawd.... Do you have a formula or recipe for
draining negative thoughts out of a human self?
If yes,send it directly to my brain/heart.*

Like fark it man!!! Arghhh....
It's like I'm messing with my own thoughts.
Someone puhlease help me get rid of this misery.
It's so unhealthy I tell you.
And a girl can hate herself for this.

I know whatI really need.
I need to get out more often and spend time
outside.Like fo' real y'all.

Word of advice:
DON'T BE JEALOUS PEOPLE!!!
(of your gf or bf...)
(try not to la kan)
I know,sometimes you can't help it ryte.
Due to certain f circumstances.
aka crap laa ahh... arghh

I know its very ironic but just yea...
Whatever laa ah to me.
Sometimes I'm fine but sometimes
I find that I'm hard to deal with.
Almost impossible to be honest.
Lis,you're a fine judge to that ayy.
Really,this is perhaps due to boredom.
Your mind automatically goes to the next thing that's
on your mind.
Or the constant worries/fears that's one your mind.

It doesn't necessarily be abt jealousy.
It could be about....hmm...
Insecurities? etc etc etc...
Yea,but hey,once the 'phase' is over,
you'll be fine right?
And everything will be okay.

Well,lets hope that is what will happen to me.
Okay,gonna go watch tv la,my next saviour to music.

I like cold Rice*

2008-12-06T01:21:00.000-08:00

Ola friends... :)
Well,its raining cats & dogs now but hmm,quite a nice day to be in,
cause I'll be damn if I was out right now..Hehe..
Well,one-I'm not exactly the kind of person who likes to go out.
I kinda hate going town,more to the hate part of going home in a
uber-crowded bus.aka-NO SEATS.
Haiyo...!!!
Haha...My friends know that.

Well went out with Lizzie to get her hair cut and yea,it turned out nice laa kan..
PFFT. hahaha.. saden..
You should have seen how traumatic she looked. I'm..like the
cool one chillin' at the side. hehe..
We talked and crap non-stop and went to Bpp for hMmm..Dunno what
hahah..Bought stuffs to make a birthday present.
I still am clueless abt what to do with the cake.
I really want the photo cake ahh.. Its like super-duper cool seh!!!
Plus the fact that its not my funny picture on it laa..
Wakakaka.!

Hmm..ButI guess I'll just settle for the fact that since I'm broke,
I pretty much can do nothing abt it. Shall just wait for the family to come back.
I bet He has plans already....
Yeah...I trust you. :)
Takpe laa..I know that everything will be alright.

For now,I have a 'project' to get on.
Dine,aku raser mungken the thing might still be dgn aku next Sat...hahaha!!
hmm,buat skrg je la kan.. Give on birthday itself,I mean pat chalet.
Is he suppose to see it or not ah??
Quite hard eh,but yee..confirm u say "It's all worth it Naq.."
hahah...U're so mrepek and unpredictable betol Miss Aku-tgk-ArtAttack.
haha!!

I'm glad I went out with you in the mrng..
Though the start was rocky,it was fine after that.
Thanks yea babe:)
You'll always be my best neighbour-cum-best friend. Hahaa..
Hans,you're not forgotten. :)
IloveyouGuuys manymany,....haha.
Lame siot..Corny? Nah...
I'm glad I have you lovely babes in my life.
Honest:)

well,I'm still nervous abt Wed.Like really...
Kanchong as u may call it,haha....
I'm just gonna do my best.
Yea...
And I won't care when others questions my actions.
For what it's worth,why not...
Forever together or not,come what may.
It'd be hard,I know.
Maybe I still don't know.
But one thing's for sure,
I'll just be sincere about everything.

"If it makes you smile,then it's all worth while."

You know what's funny?
Come to think of it,I don't miss him like crazy.
Like I thought I would.
It's nothing bad or anything.
It's probably cos I know he's not there but somewhere else.
And communications is a no-no.
And usually I would be so uptight,waiting.
But now its okay. It'd be okay when he gets back,I know it. :)
And I'm glad I gave him the braclet.
When you smiled....gawd.... *smiling*
I hope he's doing fine and have a safe journey home too...*

Kayy..this entry is way long..
Read up people. Gotta go. Gonna revise now. :)
Take care y'all :)

P.S Oit lis,takmo step rambot mcm Rihanna eh! Da bagi Bunga Cinta Lestari da ahh..Nak melebih pulak! haha!
And abt the kambing thing memang betol ah. Mak aku cakap aku dah.
Cool kape!! heh!

P.P.S It's not that I don't miss him,it's just a different kind this time.
I kinda like this type more...Haha,only I will understand what I wrote here laa ah..Haha. Naq Naq...*

I do miss you,you know...

like I always do...

May it be the best you've ever had...

My virtual love letter to you...

2008-12-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

Well,its a brand new day today.

Feeling kinda okay today,happy? Perhaps a little

happier than expected. I mean the last few mornings

has been crap. Like seriously.

Left house with such a heavy/angry feeling.

I mean she's always angry at me.

About anything and everything.

I mean sigh...

Dunno what to say laa ah..

Anyways,shan't brood over that matter anymore.

Alot has been done.

The final preparations for u-know-what

and by this Fri I must get everything confirmed.

Like for real man!!

ahhaha... I've started the proejct ystd by

fixing most of the components and yea..

I'm kinda am still worried abt the job thing.

I really want to get a job and the hols are nearing..

Jeez. Man....

My weekends will be packed this week.

Its kinda good I suppose.

I'm gonna catch up on my revisions too..

Its abt time ayy...

Well,I'm kinda tired now. Gonna do something else.

Almost lunch time too..ahaah..

Well,take care people and have a great2 day.

P.S Hujan akan pasti berhenti...

:)

2008-12-01T20:31:00.000-08:00

I'm in the lab now.

Well,alot has to be done and I guess I'm gonna be

pretty busy this Dec.

There's the final project,revision which is

overdue & last but not least the

bday party.

At least we've bought the components,just that

its not exactly started yet.

At all I suppose.Pfft.

Slowly la ah..

The revision has started awhile back actually but I

didnt continue the noble habit,like always...

Another pfft.

But everything will go on smoothly.

Must balance life Naq!!

Gotta concentrate.I really wanna do better this time.

*Making a mental note to self*

I feel quite stagnant right now.I don't know why.

I just feel that nothing is being done or there's no

progress in my life.

Gawd.

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much.

Do you know that thinking too much can be a very bad habit?

Yea...It can cause severe brain and heart damage aka heartaches.

I'm a good living example of that.

It's an unhealthy habit indeed.

My mind is moving constantly but my world seems to move ever so slowly...

I guess I'm just hungry je...Haha...

Hmm,gonna turn to my saviour-music*

Hhehe.

Gonna lunch so shld be okay la ah..

To all,have a good day and may God bless you always. :)

P.S I hope everything will turn out okay.

Silence can never be any louder.

2008-11-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

I feel empty:(
Well,its the Sat today... I got up,watced tv,ate & continued reading my book.
'The Betrayel of Grace Mulcahy' by Colette Caddle.
It's a good book indeed. What's better is that it allows me to just chill
and drown myself in another world,
a world where my imagination goes wild.
Been feeling rather down lately....
Maybe perhaps just ystd night,I'm exaggerating huh...
Gawd... Well,the afternoon was hectic with me having to run
around doing this and that.

But all was okay when I went out with the guys.
Yeap~A girl & 7 guys.
Guess what kind of chaos that would be... :)
It was pure fun and we were friggin' noisy I tell you.
I was late as usual. pfft!
We were suppose to go to Sim Lim Towers together
to look for ideas for our final projects.

They went first and in the end I didnt go. Haiya...
After a healthy dose of pure nonsense and joking around
at the foodcourt,we finally made a move and they wanted to play pool.
So we made our way to the train station.
But problem was,we were lost as to where we wantd to go. haha..
Finally decided to go to CDANS at Gombak to play bowling.
Let me cut it short here. The train ride was 100% noise and nothing less. :)
Yep...But all & all suddenly it was cancelled so I dropped off at CCK.
Headed home cos there were guests coming.

Watched tv and read somemore. I read till I was sleepy.
So I thought I 'd get a decent amount of sleep ystd.
But was abruptly& rudely awaken by my sister.
I shan't say why here but what I hated the most was that I finally
got a chance to fall asleep before 11. Sigh...

Anyways,my only form of escape~A good book.
And ystd I fell asleep listening to the radio,plugged in.
Its like my sleeping pill.Music never disappoints you huh...

Well,this enrty should satisfy yea...
I'll update again in another entry in awhile..

Lost in Translation.

2008-11-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

Finally,I got this particular picture.:)

You must be wondering why the hell am I wearing such Chinese Opera make-up right?

Haha,well,it is true.

I did participate in a small Chinese Opera performance in

school. It was a stupid trick man I tell you.

Well,my teacher told me they needed help so me and my Myanmar classmate

weilingly offered our help when suddenly when we arrived

at the auditorium,my teacher said otherwise.

Well,I'm gonna post abt it another time and fill u in with what really happened.

Gtg now.Have a great day people.:)

I believe you.

2008-11-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

Hello People:)
Well,first of all.got the flu bug(runny nose & the phelgm and all..)
Jeez... Wanted to watch Tropic Thunder with someone ystd but yar... Kinda wasnt the time.I mean,the only available slots were 9.15pm or 9.30pm.Golly....

Neways,hmm,.... Man,I'm having like a mind block right these moment.
-.-'

Well,I finally told him about it and hmm,I don't know,now that I've mentioned it,it sounded almost absurd and unvalid. Like really... You knowhow sometimes you can like have so much emotion inside abt someone and when thy're finally right in front of you,everything seems to dissolves away... Like wth!!! Hahaha.. There's no sch tmr as the othet half is having the phase test. Thurs there's another phase test.MAN....
Hopefully I'll be able to ace that one.
Gotta buck up.
Anyways,i just feel like going to the library today and
borrow a good book. Its been a long time since I've read.Hmm,maybe I will.
And the final project is like beyond touched yet.Dang it!
I HAVE NO FRIGGIN' IDEA MAN!!

Well,gtg now. And please dearest Allah,make this flu go away...
:(

Hello World,I hope you're listening.

2008-11-10T20:25:00.001-08:00

It's safe to blog now...
I managed to do the assignment and hopefully it stays in my mind for the phase test la ah..
Hahaha... I have a reputation for having studies STM. yeap.
Well,I did go to the beach ystd(by myself)like seriously and it was pretty good...
Err...Man...Gotta go. Lunch time.
I'll update asap when I have the time.
Take care people.

Don't

2008-11-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

"Don't ever give up

if you still want to try...

Don't ever wipe your tears

if you still want to cry...

Don't ever settle for an answer

if you still want to know...

Don't ever say you don't love him

if you can't let him go..."

I'll leave for you to ponder on it....

Dear Wind,blow my troubles away....

2008-11-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

I need the beach. . .

I know,it's so random. I'll probably go there after school today. Hope it doesnt rain.

It really is a good place for you to just forget everything and just chill...Like fo'real.

Life can stab you in the heart like a bitch and you won't even see it coming.

Sat's dinner was fine,sorry if I was a spoiler guys...

I'm just not good with new people I guess...Still.

I'm beginning to like not know what to blog about anymore.Gawd...

Sometimes I can't feel any happier but at times life seems to lose its glow.Well,

at least the glow in mine.

-.-

I think it's just the cold weather and the Monday blues perhaps? F that la ah...

Well,I'll just surf the net and if I have anything interesting thats happening,I'll blog about it.

Jeez...

And now they're playing an AIDS skit.

"Ai zhi ping"

Watch the 9pm Chinese Drama.

"By My Side"

But will there ever be real people who would actually take care of their

spouse who made a mistake in a moment's folly and contracted Aids...

Would you?

.......................

Oh ya,there's a high risk of contracting Aids through vagina,anal & oral(if its unprotected)that is....

Like fo real guys...

So do be in-the-know.

P.s I read it in a poster...Its interesting huh...

....

...........

.........................

P.S baby,I'm sorry

Long over-due

2008-10-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm think I'm sick.
I'm in school right now and todae is not suppose to be like this... :(
There's trng todae and I really dont think I can join in.
What's more scarier is that the last POL-ITE match is tmr.
VS Nanyang Poly.

(yay...go Naq)
sheesh.....

I really have been like u know,mentally preparing myself for
Fri's match like I want it to be clean sheet but now...
I really cant afford to be sick now...
And I dont want to...
I have sore throat since last night(kinda woke up in the wee hours but too weak to get up and drink water..)
School has been great,like really cos I've been paying attention and I can do them,Practical&Theory.
But the current sickness is arghh..
But dear Allah,I thank you for everything.
Even the sickness.

Dear Allah,just make tmr ok for me.
And let me win the match.Let US win the match.
Dear God,thank you.

State:Stagnant.

2008-09-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

*sigh

I've been feeling cranky lately...well,todae I suppose.
PMS-sheesh..........
Yar...well,tmr will be like the last day before raye..
I shld be excited right? well,ok2 la ah...
I dunno..I feel empty.
We kinda had an argument,a misunderstanding U may call it.
And it kinda made me come to a realization.
Well,its for me to know only.
But still,I feel that we have a long,long way to go...
Its getting hard now,every step of the way.

Haiz...I really feel like...........................*empty*
like crap..haiya...dunno lah....
well,I really dunno whats the cause of it.
He didnt msg.At all.
Busy maybe? Pape lah...

I'm just lost right now.
I guess Im stressin' over the(not enough trng) cos its gonna be the season soon,
raye thats im not so sure how it will turn out,and other stuffs.
If only I could go for trng todae,it'd make me feel better,somehow.
I need to go out more.And breathe the freah air...
Jyea,im just plain crapping here.

U know what? Im just gonna do house work la ah.
It keeps me occupied and ya,this pms thing aint working.
God,I hate this kind of feeling that I've been having.

.............................

Dear Allah,terangkanlah hati ini...

I.hate.to.hurt

My Bright Shiny Star.

2008-09-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

Hello World...
Haha...well,just thought of blogging tonight...
I must admit,this Ramadhan I find that I'm lacking of energy,unlike other yrs..
It's just that I ALWAYS feel so tired....Like whaat...

I know.. And I kinda skipped trng todae..
Well there's trng next mondae but ya,heard that ramai not going
next mon.. haiya,nemind,probably can go for the guys training...
Can lar,can make up for todae also....
Well,I thought of like cleaning the house & yaa..
haha.... Gonna do that later! hehe...

My baby didnt reply so yaa..probably busy with raye preparations I suppose...
:( Kinda sad though... If only I can watch him play tmr...
It's be great seh... I've never seen him play for CDF before.
(well,did watch a match for someone else...)
Lizzie was there too..haha.. Old story-ASIDE.....
ahaha.... Well,at the same time I can also mit up the YS guys..
(Khai,Bell,Naib,Wan tom....)
Quite alot of them actually. :)

Raye's in like what,4 more days??
And I still am in a daze...
My house raye aren't ready yet.
Mostly are for ppl's order.
And I bought only one pair this yr
plus! I bought a great pair of shoes which was surprisingly not bad
since it was kat kedai bawah..hahah
Man,I always end up eating my own words.Jeez!

But ibu said it was too high. man...
And the best part is that it costs me like 5bucks only!!!
haha,what a steal. From $20/30plus ....
hehe... can't wait to wear them!

hmm,I guess I shld go now...
better help out.

p.s He really looks good even in a simple navy blue polo-tee.
Esp with a new hair-cut.hehe. :)
And he called! Yay! hehe,but must send his nenek home first.
it's okay and yea,my sis kinda cranky now,
only talks to my brother. haiz.... Anything laa...Used to it already..
What to do... Just mind my own business.

Us~Trip down memory lane...

2008-09-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

Haha,that's how chubby my adek used to be...
Now he's like tall,almost as tall as me.
(sheesh! I hate it when the small ones suddenly shoot up!!)
hahaha... ;)

Well,there u have it! Some whacky,cute photos of me & my siblings...
hehe.I have 2 older siblings,a brother and sis(look at their adorable tembam pic together ar..hahaha).And my younger brother..(also the tembam one.)
......................
haha!! I wasnt a fat kid at all,nak cakap chubby,hmm..dunno eh..
But I only shoot up/sidewards too,hmmph! after
puberty.Yep,....it was drastic..hehe
My younger brother too...
Now he's like soo big..(wiping tears..)
hehe,drama eh..
well,gtg..I'll blog next time.Meanwhile,enjoy the pics!
Off to grocery shopping and yes,gonna be busy with trngs & kueh making!
(Ours will only be done like last minute2 one.haha.Orders come first mah..)
hehe. Adious!

So much going on,it gets hard to breathe.

2008-09-20T05:19:00.000-07:00

This week has been hectic and downright hellish,kinda.
Something happened to my dearest irritating brother...
Yea...I'm not gonna mention what but its serious...And tonight my mum was angry at him cos he was delaying praying. yaa...He can be irritating sometimes and stubborn. Teen angst-yea,been there,done that. I'm proud to say I've past that phase!
(maybe still have abit2 la ah..hehe)
But ya,back to the story...
My mum said things I feel she shldn't have and that kinda made him mad.
I know I would. I mean give the kid a break. Its hard enough that he had to go thru that but family shldnt like add fire to it..

Just listen& understand...

For once I understand where he's coming from. All that anger and hatred towards the world. Sometimes we just want others(esp our family)to hear us,know how we feel.
That's the only thing that parents tend to neglect nowadays...All they ever know is that oh the child is getting from bad to worst la,this la that la...
Why do u think Floorball is very important to me? Why do u think I don't ever want to let it go? For me,its something which I can count on,something that makes me feel that its not the end of the world...k
I admit that my life is and never was perfect.Far from it...
But I make sure that I have something to fall on...
and now,its him and floorball.
U know,I just feel that the last thing u wanna do is go hard on the kid. Come on,he's only 15 for goodness sake! Sometimes I find it hard myself to talk to him.But I wanna be someone he can talk to.Too bad I didnt have that when I was younger.
I had no one but myself. Well there are friends but sometimes,there's always just you & the cruel world. You'd be lying if u've never experience any misery in life...
Haiz....I dont know what else to say..Just felt like blogging a lil' bit abt this.

Just a word of advise to the peeps out there.If u do have younger siblings,do look out for them yea... Especially when they are in their teens. They may seem like they dont want u to like be in their life,just reassure them.

You make it easier when it's hard.

2008-09-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

Today has been extremely,extremely tiring and I feel so drained. :(
The state of my mind and my family has been chaotic and terrible.
We were rushing and emotions have been thrown all over the floor.
And I still can't believe my mum actually said this
"kalau kau mcm gini kau tak kemas kau putos eh dgn Harris."
and ya,alot more...
I was very tired and my eyes were still like painful from all that crying before that...
I made like the stupidiest 'resolution' thinking that it'd make him happier by asking if we should have a time-out...
I guess after that,I just broke his heart...
I can't believe I did that without thinking properly...
But I really thought.... Gosh,I'm just naive I guess...
I've been crying like nobody's business and I was so afraid that after this I'm gonna lose him and everything else that we've worked so hard...

What was I thinking...*
I guess my heart continued to break...
I cried so much so that tears just rolled down...
I choked with every thought...
I really hope I can mend his heart again....
After everything that has been happening,I don't think I can take anymore heart-aches... I don't think my heart can take anymore...

My world just didn't seem to function...
& so I just stood still...

Smiley smiley smiley....

2008-09-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

U know what? I think I'm gonna like update tmr...
My eyes are like super......dropping any moment now... Gosh..I thought I can like last the whole night.Man...
And yes,I just realized..
I have yet to write another post with reference to the previous2 entry....haha..who cares anyways..
hahaha... I'm so sleepy now and hehe,I have this oh-so-cool mini project of mine.
hehe. No one knows it but me!! hehe. And its for a special someone.

Really special indeed. :)

Late nights are soo not helping!

2008-09-15T09:14:00.000-07:00

Hello World,once again.
I guess I've been wanting to write but have been kinda busy to update.
Well,here I am,at 12.15am.
I've just watched Schools for Scoundrels
It's like a really2 good story indeed! He said that there was one part that happened btwn the guy and the girl and the thought of us went through his mind.I think I know which part and it was really sweet...*smiling*

Well I just thought that I have this random yet maybe perhaps something that has been going through in my mind all these while...I think..haha
I'm gonna post about it in the next post instead if not its gonna be super long I tell ya!
HAHAH.....Well,its been like...let me see....its been like 4 days since we went out and it feels like........very very long seh...gosh!

And I must say we don't really get to talk on the phone for that long nowadays...Coz once he gets home,he's gonna want to watch Scrubs & Simpsons then it's be like time for buke then he'll wanna play his new game,Spore...Haiyo..haha..I dont like that game man..haha.. The last comp game that I played was Starcraft! haha..kinda fun with the help of cheat codes that is..wakkaka....Kinda miss that... now I only have PS2 with limited games only.. :( I think the Mortal Combat Shaolin Monk was spoilt...Gosh..It was a really good game and saden said she wanted to lend me Bully but..................yaa....... haha...well,I'm off writing the other post now...haha..Too bad my tagbox is not working now...ass...ahah.

The only person under the sky that I want.

2008-09-09T06:25:00.000-07:00

Smart-ass pose.
"sheesh!"

I love my baby.
:D
I guess the irony of the existence of this very blog is that it started with/abt someone but the story ended with someone else.Like what my friends asked me a few nights ago,as to whether I regret it or not...For once the definite answer is NO. Haha..coz Naquiah is well known for her fickle-mindedness. Yea...thats almost like a middle name siot! haha.. ;) But now better I think...yea....haha...Neways thought I'd finally write the things I like abt him. Like this is the first-time ever pics are included. Kinda a big deal to me...Kinda2...Well here it is...

How I fell in love with Daley Harris Hilman:

Well the funny part was that we weren't like crushing on each other,its more subtle kinda way of falling,perhaps to put it another way,why we were attracted to each other...We started like normal,friends and probably one of the things that play a huge role was that we were in the same CCA committee. :)

I guess it gave us more chances to get to know each other better coz I did remember the first time I saw him...And I thought to myself" Nah..he's just one of those guys...." and did I mention that one of the girls had a huge crush on him? haha..yea...To me it felt like normal ah and Iam so not going into that territory....And she really2 did have a huge2 crush on him. I guess he was kinda hot coz he's mix but little did I know its him who I'd fall in love with...

K,let me just like fast -forward the story yea...Well,I think at that point of time there was sch trngs and we watched FB matches together with the whole lot and yea,it kinda started from there....He was just there and somehow we ended up talking on the phone and stuffs... Me & some of the girls were being asses coz he would always like reply people like HOURS after we msg him which is like....haiyo budak ni..!!!I don't know,its really funny...i cant remember how we started talking on the phone.It was nice talking to him.Its not easy to find a friend where u can talk for hours on the phone unless u guys click right? haha..well ya... And so here comes thee best part of all..hahah!!

So blah blah blah..... And it was this particular day after trng that after the daily routine,we would all walk tgther to the bus stop.I really wanted to like talk to him but it seems as if he was like avoiding me...Then it seems strange to me...So when I got home,I msged him or something and we ended up on the phone.U know me being a persistent friend,I knew that something was going on....It cant be like all of a sudden we stop talking and became strangers ryte?

So I asked him whats wrong but he wouldn't tell me..He was like soo lying thru his teeth ah when he said"nothing..." Haha...Then the creative me ask him a question.(since he wouldnt tell me,I had to resort to such tricks!)hehe ;)

"So,what's bothering you?..."
Is it:
a)Sch
b)Family
or
c)Matters of the heart

Haha,actually to be honest,I already knew what he was keeping inside...haha...U gotta give credits for girls' intuition man...wakakaakaka...

So moving on,it took him like hours & hours just to tell me whats wrong and obviously I made him say..I asked like one by one some more...
hehe,I know,evil me...

We talked like until the wee hours when he finally managed to come clean and u wanna know what he said?....

He said this..." I think I'm falling for you...."
And as I thought I was prepared,I was dumb-struck!
Like seriously....Then that wasn't the worst part!!
Then he had to be an ass(cos got load off the chest mah) then he was eager to know what I thought abt him...

I was like......."silence..."

I seriously like dunno what to say sia!!! Then it took me like forever to give my reply..my Dumb-ass reply was:
"I'd be lying if I said I didnt have any feelings for you but I just dont know like how deep it is..."

I think he just died hearing it...

So ya,I shall not continue the end part but I sure have another part to tell abt when we actually got together...haha. Ours was a weird funny beginning indeed...And it feels kinda nice to write abt him....

*smiles*

Just walk with me.

2008-09-08T05:23:00.000-07:00

Meet my friend,Empty-Heart.

I can't seem to fill this heart with happiness. All these thinking makes me run a fever whenever it gets a lil' too much.It's getting harder & harder to manage this heart. Sometimes my life seems to be spinning outta control.So explain to me how it all became to this.How sometimes life pulls you down like gravity.Tell me how to react from when your world starts to bend and fold.I can't help but feel lonely,like inside,like I have no one in this world.There's family and friends but they seem so distance.It's like I dont have anything to fall on.

I guess its the worst when u pray with tears in your eyes.

You know what's the worst feeling in this world? Its feeling empty and hurt,all at the same time.I wish I can like lose all connections with the world and be somewhere,alone where nothing means anything where your heart can't break.I know in real life,your heart needs to break and feel the pain.That's human.But I just don't wanna hurt right now.I don't wanna hurt and feel like I have no one in this world.Even the safest place feels so cold.

"Take it back before it all went wrong..."

Unfamiliar stares wherever you go.No air to breathe,no place and no one to run to...
I screamed from the top of my lungs but no one can hear a single faint cry.I can't believe I'm here once again.Where do I go now...

This is so over-rated!

2008-09-04T02:17:00.000-07:00

It's the fasting month huh...
Exams are coming,like real soon and I'm not exactly mugging..
Gosh.I know.

...........Gonna study everyday from now onwards...........................

It's one of the promises you made to yourself and every year you fail to
keep it.It's natural I guess.
Anyways,finally got the blog done,maybe and I'll stick with it for awhile yea....

These few days have been hmm..well,not that good...
I kinda realized that I've been too needless to say,I guess,
like abit too needy for my own good.
Like serious shit,its crap and its not doing me any good.

I know that I'm not like that so I'm gonna stop.
Like give yourself a break ar!!
Com'on Naq...
Gosh,I knew somehow,deep down,that a part of me,
was abit like this if I know there's someone to depend/lean on to....
I guess I'm so used to being on my own that independence was yaa...
There was a time I felt that I'm insensitive and that I forgot that I'm in a relationship,
And next I knew,I'm like a needy girlfriend like WTH.
This ain't gonna happen anymore I tell you...
Further more,I have exams & trainings to focus on.
Yea..I guess I just need to vent it out somewhere and blogging saved me this time.
:D Hello World,here I come!

Hello World.

2008-08-31T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hello World.
I say hi once again.

I guess this is a good place to vent out or maybe perhaps,just to get this off my chest.
My mind's been in a whirl right this very moment. I hate it when I have this on my mind. Its a form of mixture.Between envy,uncertainty,sadness,anger and everything else the world has to offer to you...

I like all humans,make mistakes,make promises I somehow know,deep-down,will soon die out... Why?...
Sometimes you just wished u made all the correct choices,thought of the wise correct things.Instead,when u thought you were okay,u're not.I guess I'm tired of wondering of what's right or that whether my life is on the correct track or not.I have yet to do this business plan and it sucks coz my mind's a blank now.Not exactly in a state to do work.Exams around the corner and IDK,I'm just afraid of what tmr holds....Haiz..Not this again.

.....

2008-01-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

Tears seem to well-up in my eyes
My heart accompanied by fear
It feels like going to war all alone,
with nothing but a small blunt knife in my hands.

I can either play dead
or amplify my drop-of-blood faith,
and fight with my heart and soul
or perish forever in fear.

Bersihkan hati ini.

2008-01-04T22:48:00.000-08:00

I think once school starts,I'll be busy up to my neck.
I think its better if I pent down my thoughts here in my blog rather than just brush it off.
I've yet to create my new yr's resolution and I've yet to plan out everything before my school starts...There's a 1001 things for me to do. My feelings have been on the hi & lows all along...
2007 was another yr in my life that has past.
2008 is the year I embrace new challenges and love those around me.
I just hope things will be better this tym..just hope I'm stronger.
I cant stand living at home some times..makes no sense.
It gets a bit fucked-up sometimes,most of the time.
Its stupid from my point of view.
Why must people just ranked up the past?
Just let it go.
And I have to be the unwanted victim.
Screw them all.

Dear God,forgive me for all my sins.
Make me stronger,fill my heart wit patience and love.
Fill this black heart wit pure light.

Dear God,be there for me always.
I need you more than anything.More than anyone.
I need happiness and joy from you.
Thou the world is breaking,dont make me crumble along.

Just make me strong despite anything.

I Dont Care Anymore.I'm Dead Anyway.

2007-12-30T02:27:00.000-08:00

Firstly,I'm still alive.
Secondly,sometimes I've had enough.
Thirdly,I'm still holding on,holding on a thin piece of string.

I just dont know why sometimes life can be soo demanding and never understanding.
I've tolerated more than enough sometimes but sometimes,I cant hold up the tears no more.
It's getting harder & harder to stay afloat while your whole world drowns.
I just cant understand why he keeps on making me feel so down.
I just cant fucking understand.
Sometimes my own silence eats me up inside.
WTH.
Keeping quiet is not always the best solutions.

To hell with all of you man.
Like you'll ever understand.
I've been keeping quiet

It's like nothing's happening but at the same time everything is.

2007-11-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

Just wasting time in school and I had a chance to finally use the net.In school that is.

The rest are having their study week and I'm still just studying in school coz my exam is next year in March..Yup..still,I can already feel the pressure.I have like axactly 3 months more before my FINAL exams..if it was now I'll be like so dead.My Dec hols will be filled with trngs and work and of course studying at home.Most of my time will be spent outside and I still am not sure when I shld work...I hav yet to submit my schedules...Man sometimes I feel so exhausted from all the things thats happening at one go.

My mind has constantly been thinking about a ton of stuffs thats on my mind lately and about my future and what I'm gonna do about it etc...Lotsa major planning to do..so much things,so littl etime..and btw I'm kinda scared abt trng today..yup..to be honest..and there's this HUGE top-secret secret going on..ITS GONNA BE HELLA FUN SIA..?!?!?!

well,gtg..wanna get home,get ready my stuffs and rest before going out again..well,till the next tym I have excess to the net.hehe..
and yes,I've not been in contact wit my frens lately.damn.

Abandon Innocent

2007-11-15T01:27:00.000-08:00

Mood:Sick/Recovering(?)
Heart Check:Almost Unmendable.

I think I'm losing my grip and with this unforseen circumstances,I'll never get better.

These pending things are starting to get heavier and heavier by the minute.
Funny thing is that,as sick as I may be,my appetite stays the same.
One minute I couldnt breathe and the next minute,I'm feeling slightly better.
Its been 2 days already since I came to sch..I really miss sch..I really do..
there's my pending project and its due tmrw..damn.
And I'm STILL stuck wit my Circuit Design.

My words just seem to fall on deaf ears.
Every time I gave up,I still get up the next morning and continue tomorrow like I've never been hurt.My body seems to function on autopilot these days.
As I sat quietly in my room,my mind replays everything u say.
At times I just froze while the whole world continues spinning without a care in the world.
Wish I culd be like that,living life without a care in the world.

Is pain really better than feeling nothing at all?

Something random came outta me.

2007-11-08T23:22:00.000-08:00

I finally came around
I'm back on solid ground.
Cant let it get me down.

Yes I was burned but I call it a lesson learned.
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.

Sometimes some lies can take a minute to realize.

Life's perfect, aint perfect if you don't know what the struggles are for.
Falling down aint falling down if you don't cry when you hit the floor.
It's called the past 'cause im getting past and i'm nothing like I was before.
You ought to see me now.

I still remember every single thing you said.

This is what I meant to say to you.

2007-11-08T23:11:00.000-08:00

Love,

love will come find you

just to remind you,

of who you are.

hold on

it will forsake you,

threaten to break you,

take what you got.

everybody laughs

everybody cries

sure it could hurt you baby

but give it a lil try.

{see that's the thing about love.}

then life,

it will embrace you

totally amaze you

so dont u ever give up.

This heart is not strong enough.

2007-11-08T22:41:00.000-08:00

Been quite a while..yeah..
Been doing lotsa thinking lately and the thoughts that rummage through my mind.
Life itself is very...*.......*
Emptiness has found a spot,once again and I'm back to the place I've left my footprints a long time ago.
Sad,sappy songs didnt help burn the feelings I have inside.
I dont need someone to make me feel whole,I just wished someone could hear me scream.
I dont ever want to depend on anyone(for that matter) to feel happy.
It's hard sometimes,having to carry this heavy invisible load on my shoulders,every.single.day.
I'm done falling.I'm done hating.Not quite sure if I'm done loving.
I tend to hide my most honest,truest feelings inside.

If these walls could talk,what would they say,as they bare witness to all of my pain.

The burning tears that fall endlessly seems so.......empty.

I dont like these feelings anymore.

By now I should know

That in time things would change

So it shouldnt be so bad

So why do I feel so sad.

How can I adjust

To the way that things are going

It's killing me slowly

Oh I just want it to be how it used to be.

Still deciding.

2007-10-31T03:40:00.000-07:00

Just a quick blog..I'm back to writing stuffs again..donno why but it all just comes ryte back and I cant wait to publish the first one..Still in the process of collecting the materials and I've collected quite a lot to be honest..haha..
Probably gonna be the first time after soo long and the first tym in a blog.
Call it personal,call it coincidence.
Anyways,still tryna find tme to just sit and pen them down.
Lotsa things on my hands.
Just felt like writing this down.
Gonna be so-called my fnest piece,I think.
Nothing's for sure right now.
Still in the process.
Well,gotta go.
I'll post it once it's finish.

*smiles*

And she was hit(hard) on the face with the oncoming ball.

2007-10-28T19:58:00.000-07:00

Finally I got the chance to surf the net..the chrger should be killed man..seriously sia..haha
anyways,let me just recap on the things/events that had happened so far..

+ went for special trng* last friday at Kallang.ThankGoodness my mum allow me sia..haiz..
It was super duper menyeramkan initially man..the restAnd I were like lembik already sia..
I mean we were like practically trng with Nat players sia..I was worried sick thinking that I'll probably just make a fool outta myself man..but in the end it was okay..not so bad..really wanna go again this coming Friday wit the rest..gonna be fun...and someone asked me if I wanted t join the what league Div 2 then I was like..........."are u friggin serious???"
then he asked me like how committed will I be if I were to join and so on....I couldnt believe my ears man..Onlyproblem:My Mum.
My dad thinks that I'm playing soccer coz I said Floorball and he thought otherwise.

I dont know why but my parents just dont support me when it comes to CCAs man..probably coz I', very committed and yes also for the fact that I'll wear myself out easily and neglect the rest..well just so u guys know(Mum&Dad) I'm trying hard in school.

I'm trying harder this time.Seriously.It's a form of responsibility that I've taken upon myself.This tym,it means more to me than ever.Even Band.

Simply said,I fell in love wit FB.If possible,I wanna be a Nat Player man.
If God(&my parents allow)_
......

It gives me a form of Happiness even/esp when I'm down..
If only they understand.
If only they see&know how much this means to me.

But if I join the league,that'll mean less time at home and I'll be spreading myself thin.
With school,work,trngs etc..
I'll be even busier(?) come next year.
I dont want history to repeat itself.
I'll just wait for the green light from God man...
If yes,yes.If no,then no.

The pursuit of happyness.

2007-10-21T20:22:00.000-07:00

Free your heart* from hatred.
Free your mind from worries.
*text missing*
Give more.
Expect less.

I saw a glipmse of hope but it died.

2007-10-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

yOha!
here I am typing away while the teacher is teaching..but hey,I finally understood the damn Number System which is like only the first topic..hahaha...Digital Electronics seems much more difficult but still,u gotta grasp the subject right..so ya,still hanging on...played FB wit my classmates during SW..haha..I'm sure everyone had fun..people were like panting and stuff..well,so was I..haha...been some time since we had sch trng..cant wait for tmrw,the start of trng...yay!

School has been great..I think...haha..to be able to laugh and joke arnd everyday wit ur classmates seems to be the classic IN-thing in school..I'm beginning to miss my old classmates..an also my dear frens..Still contemplating on the weekend thingy man..I'm like in a friggin' dilemma man..! help!!!

The weekend,as usual,ended faster than what I had imagined....tup tup da Monday..haha

The charger still bugs me now and then..susah nk jamin..haha..

Gosh...I think I better stop here..there's always a next time right..yupz..
so till then...

*It's not hard to forget you.It just painful*

P.S babe,this is soo true..hope you dont mind..hahas*wink*

I'll save these tears for another day.

2007-10-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

It's simple.Life.It's simple.Really.

I had soo many things to pent down here before but now that I'm here,I practically have zilch to say.My mind has been sent to the I.M.H for a short period of time due to certain reasons.I think I like to believe it has been.Yup.

Sometimes I feel like I've sholud be proven guilty.
Reasons:Unknown.

sometimes I just feel so drained and as if I couldnt find my way back.I often get lost in my own thoughts,and I keep wondering.I'm glad sch has started and that I can finally get back to having a life,something to concentrate on.School&Floorball.I'm just waiting for things to happen in my life.not giving up,just going wit the flow.

Seriously,there's no point in u trying to rush things that seems to be outta control.

Never push things to go ur way coz newsflash!it will run even further away from u.

Gonna stop here for today,tired like hell.the charger irritates me and I die2 wanna hear my palyer..hahaha.gonna sleep,dont wanna be late for sch..no more.

I can never live without knowing*

I stood quietly,just reminiscing.

2007-10-11T14:35:00.001-07:00

You know whaat?? I think I've just made a fool outta myself coz I practically sent testimonials to all the FB peeps and I said things like"jgn luper bawak kueh raye utk aku testing ye.." and shit..but I wished them Selamat Hari Raye first la..den I like stopped half-way,when I realized how f***ing stupid I sound and how stupid I will look when sch reopens..mcm maner tk sek kene kacau kan..haish..*eler..ala,gi mampos la..tk kan aku nk delete satu per satu kan skrg..ala,I meant well per..lagipon joking je per..hahahah..come what may la..I am afterall,a psychotic wacko at most times..hahah..I cant believe I'm even writing this shit down..puhlease someone slap me..NOW..arghh!

Gotta go,last day of puase huh..somehow it feels special,besides the fact that we no longerhave to fast the whole day..mwahahaha..*I know.I suck rytE?? hahah

btw found a new hobby of flooding ur best fren's tag box..hahaha..its fun man..
U shld try it..btw my blog's under construction so dont mind the mrepeks stuffs ya..
ahahahahha...

Why did you turn away.

2007-10-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

"thought maybe you had some decency to tell it 2 my face."

Ramadhan this year has been tough on me.It truly has been.I found myself falling as soon as I got back on my feet.I think I just have to write down this,for letting go and to release you forever from my memory.

All I can say is that "you lied to me".

I wonder how things will turn out when we see each other again.Soon.The first thing that comes outta my mind would be "if I didnt caught you red-handed,wuld you have told me?" I'm not gonna blame myself or anything for I gave you my heart.Regret is just another word in life's dictionary.It wasnt forged.Dont say you love me coz you dont even know me.Guess people change huh in just a short period of time.And everytime I think or look at you,I'll be reminded of how you lied to me...

Deep down,I guess I've forgiven you but I swear I aint gonna forget abt it that easily.You took me for a fool.U promised but in the end you lied.and to think I was feeling guilty for not knowing whether I loved you wholeheartedly or nt.I lost my trust in you...it was all genuine when I cared for you,nothing concealed.You're the last person I 'd xpect to do such thing to someone,guess u cant judge a book by its cover huh.Dont say you regret makin' that mistake bcoz you made the decision so live with the consequences.Life will go on.How? Only time can tell.

If they dont appreciate you,then they dont deserve you.

2007-09-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

Ugh! I cant stand it...why is so difficult?? Gosh! No matter how hard I try to xplain,he juz dont get it..how will we EVER pull through..I thot I've got everything figured out once I made that final decision..but...

Will we end up being just friends like she say? Its breakin' me down..Can anybody out there hear me,coz I cant seem to hear myself..I keep losin' my way...He has NO CLUE at all..in his mind,everything's fine and nothing's wrong,at all..guys can be so dumb at times..seriously,and I'm sure u agree,at least to a certain xtent..it's lyke wen u tell 'em how u feel,they'll like say nothing..and pretend as if nothing had happened..whatthehell sia..I'm rackin' my brains to find the simplest solution to this but to no avail..shld I carry on and maybe try to xplain to him..one day..but will I ever be strong enuf to say how I really feel inside and bare this fragile soul of mine?

Sampai bila harus aku begini...

Tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku sekali lagi...

I hope things will work out someday..Maybe its just me..izzit??

it's messed'up alright.

Gosh!

Bila mungkin ada luka coba tersenyumlah

Bila mungkin ada tawa coba bersabarlah

Kerana air mata tak abadi

Akan hilang dan berganti...

Bila mungkin hidup hampa dirasa

Mungkinkan hati rindukan Dia

Kerana hanya denganNya hati tenang

Damai jiwa dan raga.

Airmataku akan kering semula.

view from my heart.

2007-09-16T06:15:00.000-07:00

U deserve someone better than me.
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
Am I (really) in love?
Or is this just a (in d spur of the moment) kinda thing?
Stop messing with my head & heart please.
I'm in serious,deep shit.*
Somebody save me.

Extracts from my heart:
You've said the words I longed to hear,
but why do I feel this way..?
Can u tell me why?

maybe I just dont know how to appreciate.
been taking others for granted.
only to get hurt at the end of the day.
gotta piece up all the puzzle.

I'm afraid.I really am.
Wish u knew how I exactly feel inside.
Somebody please save me.ASAP.
I dont even know where I'm going.

Turn Around.

The not-so-great Escape* {Reality Bites,damn hard}

2007-09-16T05:34:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive...[LOL]

The reason I'm bloggin' once again is coz I hav sooo many things dat I wanna get off my chest.They are:

D doubts dats buried deeply in this very heart*

the never answerable questions that longs to be answered.

*me.

I really am at a lost sometimes..these few days actually..somehow I feel as if I'm d most evil person in this very world.I keep on hurting people's feelings..most of the time I don't even realize it.I hate it. God must hate me.I donno why I'm lyke this..Its gettin' more & more outta control and I'm losing my grip.Am I jinxed or something..? L.O.V.E is a just a four letter word but it sure isn't that simple alright..For others,being in love shld be a true blessing rtye? Its what everyone longs for but why do I feel as if I'm better off without it..? Probably coz the situation dat I'm facing ryte now..it kinda makes me hate myself for being d way I am..the last thing I wanna do is hurt him* but is that what I'm doing to him without me realizing it..?? My dear friend's advice still rings in my head:"Whatever it is,DONT toy with his feelings.." I was shock when I heard dat,I mean,was I really capable of doing that to someone..? I thot I was harmless..probably non-existant even but nonetheless..

Hav I changed into this person whom I swear never to be but somehow that person looks exactly like me..??

they say "its just a phase in life.soon it'll wear off..."
part of me says its not even near d end.*

it feels as if a vital part of me is dying.
this heart.

P.S I just dont wanna +hurt+anymore.

time gave me away..

2007-08-04T02:41:00.000-07:00

I know:its been ages...
cobwebs are all over my blog...
Yupz...
teArs&lauGtheRz...
all mixed up in my own world...

the reason I didnt update is coz there's soo many things happening at the same time and partly coz I dont hav time la..
whatever it is,I'll try to update more often..
stay happy always ppl...
things will always be okay...
EVEN IF ur skies are turning grey....
*smiles*

last day of school.

2007-06-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

Updates on my life.

Things are fine,so far and today is the start of my school holidays..yaa..hurray I guess..well,been kinda busy lately..and guess what? I was able to set-up a comp,ALL BY MYSELF...like seriously with the CPU,keyboard and everything..the wires and all..serious,it was fun..haha..something new indeed..!

The circuit-maker was really cool but annoying in the beginning..but I managed to 'operate' it so its kinda interesting in the end...It's really cool actually..hahas..part of our project and today was,well,relaxing and everything went abreeze..after school was fun coz the whole class(well,almost) went home together and we clicked..* yup,we clicked alright..*smiles*

We were all planning for the class outing and so far this is all that's confirm:

When:the last week of the holidays,on a weekday.
Time:Morning.
Where:Sentosa.
Who:Everyone!(excluding some?? well,they thought of nt asking someone along..)
Why:TO HAVE FUN AND BOND..!! haha..(this is ridiculous man)

(Hopefully everyone is available on that day.)

&&&&*****&&&&

I'm still contemplating as to whether I shld work during the hols or not.Half of me says NO coz I deserve this holiday(I've not had any holidays except when school starts and I badly want to go overseas with my family!) and the half of me says I shld coz it's the only time to earn more cash.($$$).

yup,life sucks alright.

I'll just be spending my holidays with training and work.Thank goodness the report is postpone till the next semester.*Phew!*

And Gosh!

Competitions starts as soon as school reopens..arghh..!! *Panic*

guess I'll just update on that in the next entry..

P.S Look at the clouds the next time you're out and about.Aren't they beautiful..?

anthem for the dead

2007-06-01T05:42:00.000-07:00

I'm gonna be honest here.
I miss the old times.
When laughing was a drug and fun was the fashion.

It didnt matter when there were others who hate you,
coz u know the ones who love you are all around.
life wasnt that much of a drag
and that it was okay to be silly at times.

Thanks for the memories,I would say.
and I wont forget the good times we had together.
I wished we could rewind back time,
and live life better than ever.

Times past and we've moved on it seems,
forgetting how much we mean to each other.
Will we forget each other in time?
will we be strangers more than ever..?

What I fear most might come true
Despite the things we say we wouldn't do.

What's happening to us now..?
What's gonna happen next..?

Will secrets come in between?

tell me about it*

Sometimes,more than once.

2007-05-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Will you stick wit me through whatever..?

How's life..? It just occurred to me that rainy days will be better and that everyone feels down every once in a while..it's nothing to be ashamed of and of course no one goes around telling others that they've been hurt..they just don't show it..Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on,everyone needs someone who would listen to their problems..Someone whom u can share your pain and your happiness with..

I have a confession to make.I don't know why but sometimes I feel like I'm the most evil person in the world.I push the people who care about me away,thinkin' that it would solve my problems.I feel soo lost sometimes and everywhere I turn,I cant seem to find an answer..I can be so selfish at times,and most of the times,I don't even realize it.I take people for granted and I just don't understand why I'm like that..

that's how I really feel.

{I'm a train-wreck in the morning.I'm a bitch in the afternoon.}

+ Every now & then without warning,I can be really mean towards you +

"I'm a puzzle,yes indeed.Ever complex in every way.."

Do I deserve anything when good things come my way..? I cant help but feel this way.I'm already torn.I choke on my own tears and I always question my existant in this world.All the pieces aren't even in the box....

I don't know why you love me,thats why I love you.
You catch me when I fall.Accept me,flaws&all.
And thats why I love you.*

project ended.

2007-05-24T08:49:00.000-07:00

hey hey people out there..kay,today I finally had time to finish my project,at least I'll only need to drill a small hole tmrw and I'm done..! I'm super`duper excited cause it's the first project we've ever done..but the end result is still what matters the most..hope it works..! or I'm gonna be dead..and really,I wish Mr M.H will stop flirting around and actually help those who are really3 in need instead of DOING THE ACTUALLY PROJECT for others..Gosh! He's starting to get on my nerves..and almost everyone noticed it(especially the guys,poor them..!) the girls are getting more advantage than the guys..haha..still,it doesn't make things okay..I'm STRONGLY AGAINST IT..!anyways,my dearest2 classmates has helped me a lot and I just want to say "thanks a mil..!" ^.^

School's been okay..today's Thursday and I hate it..know why..? cause the weekends are here..I prefer to be in school,really..and wish me luck,for next week is gonna be the track & field finals already..! Yeah..! *Smiles* It's gonna be held in Simei and I simply cant wait..! next week is gonna be interesting..haha..

>>>> Stay Alert >>>>>

jam it all up..!

2007-05-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

Oh Gosh..didn't go for my lesson after training and went to enjoy the air-con & comp at the Student`Hub instead..today was super irratating cause I wasn't able to finish my project and there seemed to be endless interruptions from unnecessary breaks to the talk before lunch..haiz..and there wasn't enough soldering irons for all of us and finally the teacher decided to let us use a new one..! haha..and just as I'm about to be fully absorb in my work,the teacher asked us to go for a break..I was like "wth sia.." my friends and I was just like gonna start and then....haiz..there was quite a few of ppl who didnt come,actually all the malay boys except one, who came late and went home not long after..went to class late coz I was like waiting endlessly for my friend who didn't even turn up..haiz..what a day..

Training today was fun,sooo much better compared to Tuesdays' training coz I don't know the boys' team well except some only and it really is hard to communicate in the court during the match..it's even worst than the first time I played floorball..if only you've seen my facial xpressions..I was like a blur sotong and my teammates(especially my teammates)probably hates me..yaa..it's like there were only two girls and I'm one of them..I felt soo stupid just standing there..I hesitated my every move.. and just now I was so-called reprimanded(in a nice way I guess)/reminded by my senior nt to repeat what I did yesterday..

Here's what happen:
Since I'm not even considered playing the game,I was like 'saje je' went to my bag and took out my hp and I tried to make it seem as if I'm waiting for a call or something(which I apparently was doing as I wasn't sure whether at the same time there was training or not at Simei)..I know it was daft of me to just walk away from a match like that but that was exactly what I did..shame on me..yaa I know..and another bad thing was that the captain in-charge that day had to like ask me if I still wanted to play or not and I just turned and waved my hand(I wasn't sure I wanted to or not and aku mcm signal tunggu jap as I was on the phone..) I was like soo bastard kan..?? I truly am sorry guys for what I did but if only you knew,how I felt at that time..Nevertheless,it didnt show good attitude on my part..haiz...

Last Fridays' was the best and I truly played like there was no tmrw..haha..we started at 12:30 till 5 plus..and all of us sat down together and chat for a while..it was cool..hopefully this Friday will be great too..

Oh God,save me..I seem to be losing it nowadays..

Friends say that I always have this bored look on my face,mcm boring sngt gitu..u can just imagine..I'm a mood-spoiler and sometimes I do deserve it... I can see the concerned look on their faces when I've recovered from day-dreaming/staring at nothing in particular...sometimes I'm not aware of my actions..I really hope I can change..

P.S I really do have to find a good purpose in life cause I'm starting to feel like I'm side-tracking..

About him..well,what can I say...I don't even know where to begin and I'm starting to have my doubts..what will become of me..?

random

2007-05-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

It's like 1 plus in the morning and I'm not yet asleep..Cold sweat on my forehead and my eyes just won't shut..I'm tired yet...haiz..thank goodness school starts late tmrw..It's just that these few days,I've been feeling different waves of emotions and I don't even know where to begin with..at times I feel like I'm on top of the world and at times I feel soo sick in the stomach..I think I'm gonna end it here..my eyes are dozing off soon...

P.S The 3 psychotic psychos online are killing me..!!! {J.K.K}

go away J.W..!!!!

2007-05-17T06:18:00.000-07:00

*Yawn* it's only 9 plus and yet I'm already so sleepy..probably coz I don't get enough sleep thse few days..thinking & thinking..damn..haiz..went to Macpherson today..got lost after going to the loo and thank god there were a few nice ppl arnd that helped us find the way..honestly,from what I can infer(wah ceh,mcm tgh buat S.S gitu) there is like soooo many malays there..the talk was boring(as expected) but I managed to stay awake so as nt to be rude and also to uphold and nt tarnish my school's name..hahaha...!

Anyways,talked with a friend of mine and I asked him abt some stuffs,from a guy's point of view that is,and I was amazed at how silly the way they think sometimes..hahas..serious..sorry to say but I just think that humans have a weird way of thinking,be it man/women ~girls/boys..we act so stupidly sometimes and humiliate ourselves for the wrong reasons sometimes..

Random`Thoughts...
I just dont like this guy in my class because he is like friggin' irritating and bloody annoying..oops,did I say too much..? who cares..he's like soo childish and he keeps calling me and some other girls 'Dear'..I was like what the f*** sia..he's like this psychotic a**hole that doesn't even realise the fact that everyone is trying to avoid him..I've been tolerating his nonsense for soo long and I've been nice to him(at least I tried) and he took it the wrong way and thinks that we like him or what..wth sia..the next time he spout those nonsense,he's really gonna get it..I WILL NOT COMPROMISE ANYMORE..he's messing wit the wrong person..just coz he's bigger/taller/older or whatever shit right,does nt give him the right to act this way..who the hell does he think he is..? bloody hell sia..I won't stand for it..the nonsense has gt to stop..! seriously,I hate that kind of people...haiz,school will be soo much better without ppl like him arnd..arghh..! he's making my blood boil..damn u..!!!!!!!!

I'll end today's entry by saying goodbye..wakakaka...I've just happily unloaded crap here..

Mood:Enlightened..*smiles*
Tomorrow will be a great day..!

the day I bleed.

2007-05-16T06:50:00.000-07:00

Hurt my hand just now while wanting to hurt another person.
Retribution? Probably..
Blood was present(Double Ouch!) .Hate Blood.
Don't know why,tears streamed down my cheeks.
"Felt stupid..?" My answer:Yes
"Whose fault..?" My answer:Me
"Gonna stop playing around..?" My answer:Yes(at least for now)

During class mood:Boring,revisions(damn)
Going home mood:Wish I was Dead..*

Saw you.You smiled.Smiled Back.Wished I was dead.Literally.End of story.

MooD:Dead.

here nor there..

2007-05-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

Hey dearest dearest friends of mine..? Are u guys dead..? at least I heard from Lizzie & Hanz(thanks for viewing my bloggie..!)..but Ruz maner sak....???? haiz,ni lar org ader besties set baru..wakkkaka..sorry2..joking je..!she doesn't even go online anymore...and did u guys know that she has a comp now kat ruma..??? yaa...thanks Naq for the info...(you're welcome guys..!" haha..I'm just feeling better right now and that is why I'm unloading pure crap'ness here..bear with me people..haha..I'll post a better entry next time..haha..

Let me just end it here then..with a few WISDOM WORDS from the all-time sucker..haha..[Mushroom Soup 4 Suckers from Sucka!..] u get the joke here..???? haha..

For those who's heart is breaking: another heart is breaking too..
%% think about those around,who love & care for you just as much %%

For those who's heart is fluttering with happiness:
.....# You're on top of the world #.....

P.S What the hell am I writing here..?? am I really(really?) losing my mind..??

14`May`07

2007-05-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

>>>> I was late(again)today and well,when all of us were ready to go,we decided to go 2 Mac first to have our breakfast..yup,in other words,be late for school..haha..They[Shireen,Padi & Wan] didnt believe me when I told them abt the 2-bucks-only meal and they die2 tk pecaye so of course I just went ahead and bought mine..{wht crap..!haha..}Guys,I may joke too-many-a-time but didnt I tell u the truth...?? haha..suckers..

~couldnt do what I wanted coz there weren't enuf ppl and I've postponed it to the next day..cant wait sia..! *smilez* and it turned out that there was NO NAPFA test for us,meaning it was for the Jan intake only..Damn! I deeply apologize to those I've messaged,troubling them with having to bring their attire..
Sorry guys..!

this is the fifth* week already and we're gonna have our phase`test*(mcm cool gitu bunyik nyer..haha..)during the seventh week which is like 2 more weeks/half a mnth gitu..!!! arghh..seram sak..and just now was crappy`shit coz I couldnt like concentrate after lunch due to unknown reasons that just killed my half day..partly maybe coz Mr M2 was mengatal and psychotic just now..

I'm nt trying to be rude/unappreciative towards him and his teaching bt he seriously is bent on wasting our time..!He kept on taking out his music scores for whatever reason and he's obviously hating half the class..he would only layan the C`Girls(his top priority katekan) and just ignore the others..today,he did exactly that..!arghh..!hate it man..oh God where's the pure joy that was present previously..???

thankfully tmrw ends at 12 but still have something on later on. so HOPEFULLY(down on my knees..)tmrw will be better and more enriching...please,I'm begging u..!!

P.S there's a possibility of my plan nt going smoothly tmrw..shit,must come up wit Plan`B already..now I don't know if I shld carry on or nt..Damn...*thinkin*

Am I missing him? Crap!

+ Me & Everything...^.^

2007-05-12T03:14:00.000-07:00

hmm..sitting here crapping away..I dont really have a particular topic to write about today..went for Floorball* training yesterday and I thought I was like late or something but as soon as I reach there,there was practically no one,except one..so waited till the cap came and only 4 turned up for girls' prac on that day..what a waste..but thankfully it was more on drills and no harsh training(the warm-ups) like usual..and yes,I DID NOT PUKE people..! haha..

It was more relaxing though tiring..we just practised our drills as u may call it and it was fun..especially when there was only 4 of us and the cap,it's more intense and we get to practise seriously...was slightly(or shld I say a lot..?) awkward/funny in the beginning and I keep on moving forward when I'm nt suppose to..and as I'm new,the cap reminded me to learn calling for the ball and the dumb part was that I called for the ball,like literally called for the ball..I said "Ball.." when I'm actually suppose to hit my stick twice on the floor..haha..it took me some time to realize my stupidity,thankfully not everyone was present..! haha...the sad & slightly annoying part is that we didnt get the chance to play a 'polite' match coz we obviously didnt have enuf palyers..so ya..that was that..and there was no school on that day and training was only 1 and a half hours...to me,that was somehow the best training so far..haha..and I'm one of the defenders in the team..competition next month(if I'm nt wrong) and I'm afraid if we dont have enought time until the real match..seriously..going into competition when u're nt fully ready is scary..I've yet to see a real game and I do wanna see one..

P.S I just hope things will work out well..me & everything..

He fights,she cites"..."

2007-05-10T04:34:00.000-07:00

Greetings..! today is super duper hilarious and I'm the center of the joke(including Rachel actually..!) haha..kay,so our school had this performance thingy at the auditorium after lunch so I was asked by my class advisor to help out/volunteer in the Music&Dance department..So I did..he said that we needed to put on make-up and do simple poses so I was like"wth,why nt.." so we did..and guess what..? REWIND BACK<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< in the canteen while taking a break right,I saw this familiar woman's face and she's one of those chinese opera ppl and I thought to myself "God,let it nt be true for I think that I have to be part of the opera troupe doing things" and the opposite of my prayers came true..!!!! FORWARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Yaa..so thats what happen and so she taught us a few lines of mandarin to memorise(opera style) and so we did..she helped put the make-up,opera-style too and after that,we just had to wait for the rest of the troupe to perform and all..honestly,at that point of time,I still didnt know what was expected of me..serious..but the funny thing is that I wasn't scared,nt like always and I was somehow relaxed..whereas Rachel was haif panic half dying..haha..and she kept practising her line which is " haha ha ha haa.." but bear in mind,OPERA-STYLE..wit the pitches and all..mine was "an lin choong" something like that..translation:my name is lin choong..ya..haha...like that..crazy sia..EASIER SAID THAN DONE..with the mic at ur mouth in front of the whole auditorium...!!! I wanted to die..I couldnt wear my specs and my eye-sight was disabled for a moment by the spotlights..I only had my sense of hearing wit me and I certainly heard laughters and applause only..arghh..that was an experience..hehe..I'll post the pics when I get it..u shld see them man..bt guess what..? I had the guts to do it..I didnt really feel damn stoopid or anthing..just that it was funny..but I've changed,at least better than last time..probably coz I dont know every one..its done and I'm proud of myself..serious..its the first step to a new life,a new me..I'm nt looking back no more..

Blissfully in Pain?

2007-05-09T04:10:00.000-07:00

I'm in:
>>>soo much pain(aching from training,waist down..)
>>>feeling super-duper low in spirits aka fluctuating feelings..
>>>couldnt re-do the practical just now..!!

I'm like emotionally and physically beaten,hands down..missed training that I didnt know even exist,only till today..and class today was okay but my foul mood spoilt everything...yaa..blame it all on me,just me...so far school has been great and the people are okay2..finally I've done my blog after years of uncompleteness and I'm satisfied with the end result..!! wakakaka..I'm gonna be updating very soon and I'll share whatever I've experience in this blog..it would definitely be filled with lotsa nonsense and details from my daily life..so,as of today,my blog is official ALIVE..!!! I'll post an entry about tmrw's event that I dont even know what's gonna happen..haha..

P.S Sometimes,people can be really f***ing irritating,especially when u are having a bad day and they just continue to diss u...*sigh*...life...

and now he's gone...

2007-02-02T06:21:00.001-08:00

here I am...well,major news..My uncle just passed away yesterday at 11.57pm and today i attended his funeral..there was soo many things going through my mind just now the whole time..I want to share everything with you guys here and let me share with you the whole experience but for now I dont have the time to pent down every single detail..it was exhausting but fulfilling...I will share with u once I have the time..I'll take you from A-Z..it was a moment for me to remember always and take with me everywhere I go..it was just sad,far more than I have expected..though he wasn't that very close to me but still it pains me to see a loved one go..perhaps because he is soo much older than me and he is my 2nd oldest uncle in my mother's side..in the maternal side that is..one by one they go before I got a chance to know them..everything was fated and aku redha dengan segale ape yg telah disuratkan...aku akan menumpukan segale aper yg ader untuk mase depan keluarge dan diri sendiri...

Norm

2007-01-31T07:44:00.001-08:00

These past few days have been really cold..dunno why..work is kinda tiring and I haven't been feeling well these past few days..yup..called Ruz just now and talked quite briefly while watching soccer..it was okay..soccer I meant..Singapore vs Thailand.I like the guy no.6 frm Thai..haha..dont even know his name..haha..I tried calling Hanz but nobody picked up..there's work tmrw,wait everyday actually so no biggie..chinese new yr coming so must prepare,even David himself said it..yup..so did Harry..might as well ask the CEO to do the same things huh..haha..being rude here..haha..but overall okay la..except with this particular person....what is there to say abt her..?well..LOTS/...there's been something thats on my mind even while I'm working and I dnt know..its kinda subtle but powerful..this day-dreaming with a purpose thing..hmm...ntah la..I'm still deciding which skin to choose from..there's soo many pretty ones..haiyo..btw must watch 7pm & 9pm Chinese Drama..!!! so gerek..gonna end soon.both actually..haiz..I'm soo anticipating the ending..!!

Unattained Everydays'

2007-01-31T05:13:00.000-08:00

Working life is definitely much much different from school...it's soo much harder and the people u tend to meet is far more different than you'll ever meet in school..maybe..I must say it has been kinda challenging and I 've learned that in life,sometimes,you have to just do it and stop complainingand complaining..thats what pretty much everyone did while in school..even when we were in secondary school..you just have to find means and ways to get the job done instead of just saying it's not possible..oly then will you realize your potential and strengths when it comes to handling things,problems and stress..You'll realize it urself without anyone telling you..and its also not good to judge someone too quickly..I've seen it too many a time and everyone does something for a reason..it's best you don't say anything and try to analyse things first before making any decision...You'll just feel stupid and ignorant when the truth comes out..I don't know why the hell I am writing all of these..perhaps I've been wanting to all along..truthfully,there is a lot more that I want to write before but just didn't have the time..or maybe it wasn't time yet..Now,I feel like as if I have nothing..I'm not in a state of despair or anything..just thatI feel that I lack a lot of things like experience and other important stuffs that is my survival kit to enduring life..for me there's soo many things I've really yet to learn..it scares me sometimes thinking abt it..Everywhere I go,it will always be at the back of my mind..but life goes on with or without you..so why not just go with the flow and make things worthwhile at least..that's gonna be one of my new yr resolutions..haha..who knows things wil be better than yesterday...cause afterall...I decide...^.^

Nothing..

2007-01-30T08:17:00.000-08:00

You called me cause you know I'll be there for you..

You're bleeding and you're running dry........