Monday, February 9, 2009
A note to God.
Finally,I have something real to write down and I finally feel like this entry is worth the time.I had 2 drafts written down,half-down but I think thats all just crap.Today,I'm filled with extreme self-thoughts that is non-the-less accompanied by sadness and fear.Firstly,dont worry,its not relationship problems.It more of the realReal world.Life,family.I just came across,well not exactly came across but just had those conversations with my mum regarding a few stuffs...
It's about her life and how hard she has to cope with everything and to be honest my family life isn't that picture perfect at all.It never has been.I am very well aware that everybody's family isn't that perfect either.I used to think that if my parents were to divorve I would never know what to do and be totally dead in the brain if that were to happen.Like my whole life will be crushed to the ground.I think it would have been extremely harder if it were to happen when I'm in my teens,like in secondary school because I know that it will definitely be so,so,so much harder to cope as life as a teenager coping with everything is not an easy job.Trying to find out who you are and all.
Honestly,for those who has been in that position and your parents divorced right,can you share with me your experience and what you felt when it really happened and how you deal with it all? I think the worst case if ur parents re-married.I don't know if it helps but I'm just afraid and being mentally-prepared for everything is better than anything right? I'm not saying its gonna happen but I'm just afraid.To be really,really honest,my heart feels like it's gonna be broken. :(
I hate this feeling.Does faking ignorance helps? And is ignorance really bliss? I really don't know and I don't really know if I want to know the answer.I'm aware that this entry is suprisingly longer and different than the usual relationship/normal rantings etc. I'm gonna be twenty this year.Life's no joke anymore.All the decisions you make will be accountable for by non other than yourself.I wish we don't have to grow up.Now we know why huh...Dear Allah,guide me the way...