`The hardest thing in life is having the words in your heart that you can't utter. ♥

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

jam it all up..!

Oh Gosh..didn't go for my lesson after training and went to enjoy the air-con & comp at the Student`Hub instead..today was super irratating cause I wasn't able to finish my project and there seemed to be endless interruptions from unnecessary breaks to the talk before lunch..haiz..and there wasn't enough soldering irons for all of us and finally the teacher decided to let us use a new one..! haha..and just as I'm about to be fully absorb in my work,the teacher asked us to go for a break..I was like "wth sia.." my friends and I was just like gonna start and then....haiz..there was quite a few of ppl who didnt come,actually all the malay boys except one, who came late and went home not long after..went to class late coz I was like waiting endlessly for my friend who didn't even turn up..haiz..what a day..

Training today was fun,sooo much better compared to Tuesdays' training coz I don't know the boys' team well except some only and it really is hard to communicate in the court during the match..it's even worst than the first time I played floorball..if only you've seen my facial xpressions..I was like a blur sotong and my teammates(especially my teammates)probably hates me..yaa..it's like there were only two girls and I'm one of them..I felt soo stupid just standing there..I hesitated my every move.. and just now I was so-called reprimanded(in a nice way I guess)/reminded by my senior nt to repeat what I did yesterday..

Here's what happen:
Since I'm not even considered playing the game,I was like 'saje je' went to my bag and took out my hp and I tried to make it seem as if I'm waiting for a call or something(which I apparently was doing as I wasn't sure whether at the same time there was training or not at Simei)..I know it was daft of me to just walk away from a match like that but that was exactly what I did..shame on me..yaa I know..and another bad thing was that the captain in-charge that day had to like ask me if I still wanted to play or not and I just turned and waved my hand(I wasn't sure I wanted to or not and aku mcm signal tunggu jap as I was on the phone..) I was like soo bastard kan..?? I truly am sorry guys for what I did but if only you knew,how I felt at that time..Nevertheless,it didnt show good attitude on my part..haiz...

Last Fridays' was the best and I truly played like there was no tmrw..haha..we started at 12:30 till 5 plus..and all of us sat down together and chat for a while..it was cool..hopefully this Friday will be great too..

Oh God,save me..I seem to be losing it nowadays..

Friends say that I always have this bored look on my face,mcm boring sngt gitu..u can just imagine..I'm a mood-spoiler and sometimes I do deserve it... I can see the concerned look on their faces when I've recovered from day-dreaming/staring at nothing in particular...sometimes I'm not aware of my actions..I really hope I can change..

P.S I really do have to find a good purpose in life cause I'm starting to feel like I'm side-tracking..

About him..well,what can I say...I don't even know where to begin and I'm starting to have my doubts..what will become of me..?

@ 3:16 AM